Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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