gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
