that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
