I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
