Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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