She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
