you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
