a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
