UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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