If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
