i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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