How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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