it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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