Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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