Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You need a sexual gate keeper
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
