I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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