Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
