eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
