I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
