Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
