I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
