So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
