So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
