Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
