I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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