He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
