he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize