whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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