I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
