Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
