he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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