No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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