if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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