sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
