so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
