can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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