She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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