It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
