all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
