Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
