Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
