What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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