i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
