did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
