STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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