the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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