I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
