I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
