New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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