I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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