My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
