I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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