dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
