rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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