is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
