tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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