i permit you to call me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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