Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
