Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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