Girls should come with a carfax report
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
