If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
