Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
