false alarm. still invincible.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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