It's like God shit irony all over that family
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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