I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
