Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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