hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
