I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize