4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so let's talk penis.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
