i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
