Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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