no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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