I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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