I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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