girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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